So, tumblr. I know I’ve been away for a bit. I wanted to see The Lorax, and my dash kept being spammed with spoilers from all of these different blogs (not their fault, but still). So, I just decided to avoid Tumblr until I saw it. Not the best idea in retrospect, but here I am! A few new people decided to follow me while I was gone - Hello, welcome and thank you to all of you! Things I did while I was gone - 

- I saw The Lorax

- I went to Disneyland, first time in 7 years

- And I went to the Walt Disney Feature Animation Studios!

Those can all be detailed in their own posts later, but what’s important is an ultimatum I wanted to give out - to myself, and to the world. 

I have decided to change the way I approach my art and myself. That doesn’t mean I’m not going to draw my favorite characters anymore or anything like that - it means I’m going to give my art a new focus. The past year has been hard for me - trying to persevere through many difficulties, still trying to define myself as a professional worth hiring. Knowing, as many other artists do, that I have that ability deep inside me - I just need my clumsy hands to match the vision I can see in my mind. It’s a trial we all must deal with. Going to the studio, having my portfolio looked at, it brought some issues to the front that I was content to ignore. Sometimes you get this itching inside when you know you didn’t quite do your very best. Or when you know that you still have a lot of work to do. I wasn’t expecting to be offered a job on the spot, and everyone was extremely nice - so I realized that this feeling of nervousness, of shame practically, was coming entirely from me. Because I realized, more strongly than ever before, that I am not the best artist in the world. I’m not the most skilled, or the most seasoned - I have a lot of work to do, and a whole new level of quality to shoot for. Yes, it should seem obvious, but for a young (whether through age or experience) artist it can be difficult to break through that barrier of shyness and tentativeness. 

Point being - it’s hard admitting that you are wrong. It’s hard admitting your shortcomings - its hard to fail. That initial moment while you are failing just tears you apart. But after you’ve punched some walls or shed some tears, you start to think about what you want to do so that you don’t fail like that again. You issue yourself new challenges, you change your methods - you come to a realization that you never would have had if you hadn’t failed in the first place. And after that’s happened a few times, you become more courageous, smarter, stronger - taken to the extreme, it can actually make you want to fail, or at least stop being afraid of throwing yourself out there. If you’ve ever seen Meet The Robinsons, that movie’s biggest merit is the message of not being afraid to fail, and to KEEP MOVING FORWARD. The world is going to keep turning either way. 

So, I have chosen to make this summer one of applied study. I have a lot of drawing to do, and some animation ideas - I don’t know what will become of them, but rather than keeping them all to myself and wallowing in my own indecisiveness, I decided that I’m going to share them. So hopefully, by summer’s end I’ll have a whole new body of work that I can use in the fall. 

And one more mantra for me - or you, if it helps - Never forget how good it feels to finish something. That little interval of being DONE may not come along very often, but it always makes all the hours of work worth it. It’s an immense feeling of pride. And make that, if not the completion of the work itself, your reason for continuing. It’s much better than endless regret. 

So here’s to a summer of growth!

ASaurous, 4-14-12